*Anchor podcast is slightly different in a written form.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is defined as the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathically. EQ is something we have the ability to control and manage. Unlike IQ (Intelligent Quotient), well, that’s beyond our control because some of us are a lot smarter than us and some are born genius.
Most of us grow up by not knowing how to handle our emotions. We were taught to suppress it or not deal with it. Showing an emotion as a child was somehow forbidden, and we were told to go to our rooms and remain silent. No wonder as we grow older and we become an adult we have a hard time handling conflict and most of us lack communication skills.
Emotional Intelligence Categories
Self-Awareness. It is a conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives and desires.
I’ve learned that throughout my life I let my emotion dictate my behavior. I am driven by my emotions due to acquired habits when I was a young girl. I believe most of our habits were influenced by the people who brought us up. Most of us don’t know or had never been taught to control our emotions instead we let our emotions dictate our behavior. When you think about it, God placed our heads above our hearts so that we control our emotions. But most of us don’t know how to do so.
“Guard your hearts above all else for it will determine the course of your life.” – Proverbs 4:23
When we don’t manage our emotions by responding maturely, it will have a negative effect on our marriage as well as in our children. When it isn’t dealt with, it can bring emotional damage to our loved ones when we let our emotions run rampant. We are triggered when our button is pushed.
Know your trigger.
Mine is being impatient. I consider myself being a type A personality where I wanted something now, and if I don’t get an immediate response I get easily irritated. I shouldn’t even have to ask you more than five times before you do what you have been told.
Self-Management. Taking of responsibility for one’s own behavior and well-being.
When we own up to our bad behavior, and the sooner we realized that we have no control over others’ behavior, the sooner we realized that growth is possible. Managing our emotions in times of conflict is crucial to know how to handle the situation. The only person we can control is ourselves. It is easier said than done. That’s why knowing your triggers are important by being self-aware of what those triggers are to manage our emotions well.
Social-Awareness. The ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others including from diverse backgrounds and cultures.
To empathize is to understand how diverse cultures and backgrounds are to live peacefully. Not only on a personal level but as well as in our professional settings. In other cultures some things are acceptable. For instance, in some parts of Asia, there is a way of greeting someone by bowing their heads instead of handshakes. In Europe, they greet each other by giving them a peck on the cheeks. There are some practices that might not be acceptable in one culture and acceptable in another culture. This is why it is crucial to respect others’ differences.
Not to say that we just tolerate everything that doesn’t support our principles, but as long as it is doesn’t cross our boundaries then we all can try to understand each other.
Relationship Management – Interpersonal communication skills, ability to inspire, and influence.
Relationship management I believe if not the most important aspect of life. After all, no man is an island. We are all wired and created to develop a meaningful relationship with each other and it all starts with having the skills to communicate effectively, clearly, honestly, lovingly, and respectfully. However, communication isn’t taught as a child, but it is a skill we must all strive to develop and learn.
Let’s Talk About Communication Skills
Communication skills require both listening and speaking. But how many of us are guilty of talking too much by giving our opinions but lack the ability to fully listened to what the other person is truly saying. God created one mouth and two ears, but the majority of us loves to speak more than listen. I am guilty as charged because I do the same way. I talk more than I listen.