Pain is hard to discuss especially since no one wants to talk about it. But life involves pain. I know most of us have faced painful experiences in our lives. Some are harder than others. It’s been a few days now since I’ve evaluated my triggers and the cause of my pain. Most of my triggers originated from my childhood years, into my teens, and in my late twenties. Triggers are what I call the irritants that cause you to react. If you were like me who suffered a lot growing up from a broken home to a busy mom and from an absent and abusive dad. These can cause a long-term effect on your development both emotionally and mentally. Pain or suffering is part of life that we aren’t too comfortable talking or discussing. I believe most of our attitudes either good or bad were adapted from our environment. We are a by-product of our environment. We adapt other people’s attitudes or characteristics and assimilate them as our own.

Triggers is what I call the irritants that causes you to react.


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One of the triggers that kept on repeating was being impatient with my own son. I would habitually snap and in rage whenever he refused to listen and obey. I’m pretty sure, most parents could perhaps relate to what I’m talking about. Our children have a way to push our buttons, but instead of just accepting it as is, I began to ask the question where did this trigger originate from? Then it dawned on me, that was how my mother dealt with me when I was a little girl. She was a single mother who raised four kids on her own and dealt with stressors in life that she perhaps took her frustrations upon us. Now that I am aware that this underlying behavior was something I’ve adapted, I can stop the pattern of making the same mistakes. I can now slowly make a change and envision myself by becoming a different mom in handling my son.


Another trigger that I’ve dealt with was insecurity, shame & guilt. It was due to the fact that I’ve endured several years of abuse that I lacked self-confidence & didn’t see myself as valuable. For so many years, I was angry at myself and at the world. I placed barriers around me that made me become defensive and trusted no one. Getting at the root cause of the issue is crucial for deliverance and healing. We must be willing to work with God by acknowledging what has been done to us, and the truth will set us free.

Owning your truth by admitting is the first step for healing.


The Truth Hurts But It Liberates You

I ran away from the truth and hid for several years. Therefore, I lived a life without peace and full of bitterness. I was good at masquerading and pretending. I wasn’t living my truth. No matter what relationships I involved myself in, I would just sabotage it due to a lack of trust in people and in myself. When people hurt you and betray you, you will eventually shield yourself by building walls around you, consequently; you will miss out on making friends and creating lasting relationships. My coping mechanism was to push people away whenever they become too close. I was afraid of being hurt again that I self-sabotage.

Effect On Abuse & Pain

When the pain isn’t dealt with, it can wreak havoc on your marriage. For many years, I blamed my husband for all the things he has done wrong whenever we fought. However, God dealt with me in this area by letting me know that I was the problem. I had the issue by never dealing with the truth. I knew how to put a brave face on and managed to get on with life but never knew how to deal with the underlying root cause of my anger. We can’t band-aid an open wound without tending to it, eventually, the wound will fester if it isn’t treated well. The same goes for our emotional wounds. Unless our pain isn’t dealt with, we will carry it around like baggage that our marital or relational will get affected in the long run. It takes the gut to admit to yourself that change must start with you.

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