A man of understanding is of a calm spirit. – Proverbs 17:27
*Podcast is slightly different in written form.
Peace is hard to attain especially to what we witness around the world and the news we watch on television. Peace seems impossible to achieve. “God is not the author of confusion but of peace.” We must learn to cultivate peace and it starts from within.
As a child, I grew up in turmoil where drama exists. I was raised by emotional people that ultimately I have acquired it. On top of that, I was involved in a dysfunctional relationship for many years. Since then, due to the abusive relationship, I became a woman who wanted conflict. It affected me greatly that I carried this baggage into my marriage.
I used to pick a fight with my husband all the time that if our lives were not in shambles, I would find something to fight about. My marriage was chaotic in the first five years that we almost ended up in divorce. I carried this baggage into my marriage that affected me and my husband greatly. I started to evaluate myself. And ask the question if I wanted to salvage my marriage then I have to do whatever it takes to make a change. That change must start with me. No one wants to admit that we are the reason of our problems, but that’s where growth takes place. That’s how change starts by refusing to point the finger and blame others of our wrong behavior.
“Never be in a hurry, do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever even if your whole world seems upset.”— Saint Francis De Sales
How Do We Practice Peace?
1.Self-Awareness. Ask the question, how did this feeling originate? Peace is a choice as well as being restless. Most of this restlessness started way back in my childhood years as well as in my late twenties. I had to unlearn these bad habits of being in such a state of inner turmoil.
2. Walk-Away. Choose which battle worth fighting for and which ones you can let go. Stop trying to prove the other person wrong. We don’t need to always defend ourselves even if we feel as though we are right.
3. Let Your Words Be Few. As a woman, we tend to have a pouty mouth and we tend to be naggers. But if we want peace in our marriage, we have to remain silent. I used to rebuttal and argued until I have nothing left to say because I was so used of drama that if I didn’t speak, I viewed myself as a loser. However, whenever we are in the midst of a heated argument against another person, technically, no one wins.
4. Think Before We Speak. It is easier said than done. As an emotional person like me, I tend to let my emotion dictate me instead of the other way around. I often don’t think before I speak. Most likely, I ended up saying words that can cut through somebody’s heart. Words have power. We can either build someone up or tear them apart.
5. Less Reactive. When conflict and disagreements arise, it is natural to react and respond right away without giving it a second thought. I trained ourselves or myself to be reactive. As an emotional person, I react harshly and foolishly sometimes especially when my buttons are pushed. I am still learning how to be more less reactive by not getting easily offended. It takes time, but I am trying.
6. Grow Up! “As a child we spoke as a child, We thought and reasoned like a child,” according to Paul who wrote to the Corinthians. I have trouble expressing myself and telling others how I feel, I ended up bottling my feelings inside that I blow up and throw a tantrum. I sometimes stump my feet and demand from my husband what I wanted instead of asking out of love and respect.
7. Express Yourself With Honesty. As a woman, the common response when our spouses asked us the question, “what’s wrong?” We normally answer, “Nothing!” I used to do this and from time to time I catch myself saying the same word. It would have been easier if we can be honest in the first place rather than beating around the bush.
8. Cultivate Peace Instead of Worry. To sort out my emotions, I have to write my worries down. I must assess what I have been thinking throughout the day. If we want peace, we must sow peace and it starts from within. This is a struggle for me. Because I was used to drama and conflict in my life that my brain likes to find something to worry about or fight about. For me, it is not normal to remain in a peaceful state of mind. I had to learn to love peace rather than chaos.
9. Shift Your Attention. Instead of focusing on the negative events in the world that we have no control of, we must learn to shift our thoughts on more positive things. To decrease our stress level we can practice deep breaths, take a long walk, and have a warm bath while listening to soothing music.
10. Go Internally. Most of our issues with restlessness start from a traumatic experiences we may have had experienced from the past. As I’ve witnessed in the world today, we like to patch things up without going inside by dealing with our inner-self. We can’t only fix anything outwardly by patching it with a band-aid but to consider looking internally at what causes us to become frantic and a worried individual. I don’t believe in a quick-fix remedy. I believe healing is a process.
I believe healing is a process.Gvelle
Tranquility or peace in the end is something we have a choice to act upon. Peace doesn’t start from other people or in any uncontrollable circumstances in the world. It lies within ourselves. Peace is possible if we learn to cultivate and activate it with a daily practice. You and I must be intentional to attain peace. We can’t expect to achieve peace if we ourselves aren’t peaceful in the first place.
Yes, it is true that we live in a troubled world but we can create our own world by being intentional in choosing peace for ourselves. It is guaranteed that in this world we will face tribulations, but we can still choose to rejoice according to Jesus because He had overcome the world. The world will not and cannot give us peace we desire. We must aim for it.