Love is a four letter word that remains a mystery to all of us. Love if everyone participate in it can make a lot of difference in the world. Yet most of us still haven’t figure it out why it is hard to apply love into our own lives especially in a marriage. Love is a wonderful thing. The reason why two people get married and said their, “I dos.” However, when two people started living together their love for each other will eventually gets tested. After being married for almost ten years now, I have realized, the same old issues keep resurfacing. The cycle never ends. Why is that? Why do couples tend to fight and argue the same old argument? It seems like nothing ever changes. What could be the best solution to this conundrum that my husband and I have been facing?
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What are some of the common issues couple face?
I have been on this journey finding out how to resolve conflict in married couple. One of the issues my husband and I usually face is Miscommunication. Majority of our issues comes down to not being able to hear each other and being able to communicate effectively. We both like to talk over each other and we both don’t listen attentively. Listening skills if you haven’t figure it out yet is part of communication, which rather difficult to undertake, doesn’t it? Most of us like to talk more than listen. God created two ears and one mouth. However, we often have a hard time listening to what the other person is trying to convey. Active listening is necessary to understand what the other person is simply trying to say. This can cause a conflict if both parties fail to listen effectively.
Another issue is being critical. Criticisms either good or bad can be misconstrued as an attacked. I’ve learned that it isn’t much about what I say to my husband, but the verbiage I used when approaching him. Whenever I used the sentence, “you are...,” he somehow perceived it as an attack on his ego. Once the ego is being attacked, it shuts down, and the person is no longer willing to listen to what the other person is saying. Therefore, argument arise. The moment we’ve been criticized by someone, we naturally get into a defensive mode. Granted, no one likes to be criticized. But this concept is rather hard to implement, and this is has been an ongoing practice I have been trying to do due to the fact that growing up, I have heard criticisms, and it is something I must unlearn.
To top it off with having a critical spirit, another reason why misunderstanding occur is taking offense easily.
How many of you get easily mad when your spouse say something that you kind a misinterpreted?
I know, I do. My husband and I are opposite. He grew up in a family where teasing and joking around dinner tables are a normal occurrence, and no one takes offense. However, I grew up in a more serious family dynamic who gets easily offended. I belong to a sensitive category or having a touchy feeling that mostly creates conflict in a marriage when the two of you came from two different worlds.
Till Death Do We Part
Marriage is a covenant. It is a commitment that both you and your spouse sign-up for a long haul. As the bible says, “two flesh becomes one.” One mind, one heart and one soul. It is a union. I’ve discovered that there’s no such thing as perfect marriage or a perfect couple. Sustaining your marriage simply is never giving up no matter what. If both of you are willing to work your differences and accept each other’s flaws then your marriage is worth fighting for. I know it is easier said than done. Marriage are all about compromise and staying committed. If you feel like giving up, reminisce back when you first met and dated, and think why you fell in-love with your spouse in the first place.
“Husband and wife relationships are like the relationship of Tom and Jerry. Though they are teasing and fighting, but can’t live without each other.”Unknown