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Letting go is hard but it is important for our growth. I bet you, there are many bad habits or ways you have been holding on to that you can’t let go of. Letting go is a chance for you and me to create a brand new start. With this exercise, you will determine which ones you are willing to let go of and which ones you are willing to keep. The only way to find out is by examining your life. Without this process, we will end up in the same old pattern.
Today, I will be sharing some of the bad attitudes I have realized that I must let go of. I hope by the time you are finished reading my insight, you can relate to what I just said here. Or, you can assess your own life as well by figuring out which bad characteristics are you willing to let go of?
Unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is detrimental to our health. It leads to bitterness and resentment. It kills joy and peace. Examine your life today. Is there anyone in particular that you haven’t forgiven as of yet? You might say, how can I forgive when this person has hurt me? I am not saying that you keep inviting them into your life even if they’ve hurt you time and time again. That’s where healthy boundaries must be in place. You can love these people or persons from afar.
Forgiveness, however; is not about letting those people who hurt you off the hook, but it’s simply freeing yourself. It always comes down to you. It is for your own benefit. You can just say wherever you are at with these simple words, “I let go of any resentment I have with this person (name the person) and I forgive him or her.” Pray for them and wish them well. Don’t ponder on the past. Learn to let go and move on.
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Pride. Pride gets in the way when you are in the process of forgiving someone. Just a few months ago, a family member of mine and I had a heated argument because of what this person did that made me really mad. It took me a long time to settle our issues. It went on for many months when we were not on speaking terms. There was a part of me of wanting to pick up the phone and talk about what had happened. But, my pride got in the way. I tune out the voice and I asked the question, “why should I be the one who should reach out?”
One day we cross paths again. At first, it was awkward. But somehow we both managed to move on and didn’t discuss what had happened. I just hugged and kissed this person without saying a word. I realized with all the things that are happening around the world, life is too short to hold grudges. Of course, discernment is the key to letting people back into your life again. Just do what’s best for you.
Self-pity. I used to get so addicted to pity myself. Whenever I was in an argument with my mom when I was younger, I would go into my bedroom and wallow in self-pity. I also carried it over into my adulthood. When my husband and I would get into argument or if he doesn’t pay attention to me, I would think thoughts like, “he doesn’t love me or he doesn’t care, and I am not worthy.” I would be such a drama queen about it. Joyce Meyer once said, “You can either be pitiful or powerful.” Of course, we all want to be powerful, right? Thankfully, I am much better now than I used to. I’ve realized, self-pity is playing the victim. This one has to go, definitely!
“You can either be pitiful or powerful.”Joyce Meyer
Easily Offended. I should have put this on the top of my list. I have been asking myself, “why do I get so easily offended by people’s remarks that I don’t agree with?” I am triggered easily. I usually react instead of respond. From my previous podcast titled, “Stop giving your power away,” I’ve discussed how I’ve been leveraging my emotion to my husband and to someone else’s. Every time when we are offended, we are giving our power away.
When you think about it, it’s true! No one can really make me react or feel. I have a choice to react or respond to someone else’s different point of view in life or bad attitude.
Procrastination. How many times have you been putting off something on your lists that you said you’ll do it eventually? I know, I have. This attitude has cost me a lot. Instead of getting things done, I used to push it aside and say, “I’ll get to it later.” Then later turned it into months then years. Just like when I started my first blog in college, I was never consistent that now I am starting from scratch. Instead of procrastinating, I create a to-do list weekly. The most important on my to-do lists will be prioritized & will be finished first hand. The rest would be delegated for the following day.
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Telling People About My Problems or Gossiping. I used to love to gossip incessantly and share my problems with my family. It was like an addiction. I remembered the time when my husband and I would have a not a big of a deal argument, I would be so quick to pick up the phone and tell my mom and my sisters about it. On top of it all, I would also call two of my girlfriends and share my argument I just had with my husband. I just loved to have someone on my side telling me after I’ve retold my story that I was right and my husband was wrong. I was such an attention seeker.
Then it dawned on me, by me, retelling my problems wasn’t going to solve my marital issues. It only added more problems. As it turns out people could care less about your situation. They may appear sympathetic, but I’ve realized they probably were sick and tired of me complaining about my marriage. Nowadays, instead of calling my family and friends, I would just get into a closet and talk to God. And the funny thing is, most of the time, I would be the one convicted of my mistakes and not my husband’s.
A still small voice had told me that I had to deal with my issues. Issues like mistrust, jealousy, rage, and pride. It was such a humbling experience that I had to go within. It is easier to blame others for our misbehavior. First, we must take the speck out of our eye before we can take the speck from someone body else’s eye. In short, don’t point the finger, but take a look at yourself first in the mirror before you pass any judgments on someone.
Fear of Speaking Up. I grew up not being able to express my opinion. It was culturally not allowed to have that liberty to share how I truly felt. Most of my emotions were suppressed growing up. But when I became an adult when I had the freedom to speak up, I did the extreme opposite. I would explode. I didn’t know how to communicate. For much of my childhood, I never learned to communicate effectively that I would just bottle everything inside that eventually led to a disaster.
I would let it fester until one day I would just explode like a volcano. My husband wouldn’t even understand where it all came from. I am good at hiding and letting things go but I would keep a mental note. But, when I am triggered that’s when all the wrong things you’ve done will be narrated. So, I had to learn to open up to my husband and discuss anything that bothers me onslaught to avoid resentment.
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Perfectionist. I’ve never would I imagined that I am such a perfectionist until I started my YouTube channel. One of the reasons why I deleted most of my videos I’ve started last year because I didn’t like how I looked. I am my worst enemy. The negative dialogue would replay in my head saying, “You look fat, you look weird, you look awkward and your voice sucks!” But I wasn’t going to let it win. I’ve spent months away from the camera and I dug deeper. I spent time soul searching and trying to understand why I felt that way about myself. As it turns out, I was unhappy about myself and I didn’t like myself very much because I was trying to be someone that I was not.
Walking Around With Guilt. If you have been brought up in a religious environment, you know how hard it is to be authentically you when there are parameters in place. Like you can’t wear certain clothing or make-up is forbidden, so on and so forth. I tried so hard to be perfect and followed these rules when I attended one church that even listening to worldly music that I enjoy, I feel bad. When I curse when I’m mad I feel guilty. When I shake my booty when dancing, this too made me feel awful about myself. No wonder, I was unhappy and miserable.
I’ve decided that I’ll no longer live with this insurmountable guilt hanging over me. I realized that if God is love, surely, He doesn’t always condemn us. Because who even said these things are bad? I think some religious leaders decided to make up rules to make us feel guilty and awful about ourselves that we find ourselves imprisoned. If I can’t even do the things I love, what good is life then?
I am not saying to be an irresponsible human being. As long as you are not hurting anyone and you treat others with love and respect. Then dancing and listening to music that moves you should not put you in bondage by walking feeling guilty. As far as I’m concerned the only greatest commandment is to love.
Living with someone else’s standards. Most of us, one way or another lived by someone else’s standards. Unfortunately, we can’t choose the family or place we grew up in. Our behavior is learned and adapted from our parents or caretakers that we don’t always live with our true self. I grew up in fear. Growing up, my mom was overly protective. Whenever I wanted to do something like swimming, singing in public, and ride a bike, her answer would always be, “no.” No wonder why it took me a long time to venture out into the unknown.
However, the moment I’ve discovered that those fears were not mine but my mom’s, I knew I had to do something differently. That’s when I’ve started a podcast, created a blog, and posted videos on YouTube. Additionally, I learned to bike for the first time in my life. That was the only way I had to overcome my fear.
So, what are some of the things you need to let go of this year? I hope these lists have helped you recognize some of the things you should let go of that no longer serve you. Examine yourself today. I know change is possible and it is a progression. We are all a working progress as long as we don’t give up on improving ourselves.