These past few days were challenging not just to what is going on around the world, but as well as dealing with my own personal drama behind closed doors. There will be a time when all the good days you’ve invested with your spouse, your friend, and one of your family members will be gone in a blink of an eye due to a bad event that is caused by someone in your life who un-subconsciously created turmoil and drama. My temper got the best of me and I was in the moment of weakness where I wasn’t able to keep my cool or was able to control my temper when dealing with this person in my life.
An argument arises among the members of my family. In retrospect, I could have dealt with the situation differently, but when you are hormonal and your emotions got in the way it leads to chaos. In the height of emotional distress, hurtful words were exchanged that penetrated deep down my soul that all I wanted to do was scream, pack my bag, and leave. I was unmotivated in creating any content, but I had to pick myself up to where I left off and let not words of discouragement stop me in proceeding to my creativity.
It is easy to give up whenever we face a setback. We wallow in self-pity and we replay the bad image in our mind until it drains our energy and that will leave us exhausted. Arguing with someone is exhausting and when one isn’t careful, you hurt others with your words. I might be vague here and I might not be able to share all the detailed stories because I just want to leave a little bit of privacy for myself. I know I am about transparency, but I don’t want to give you any more details about what exactly happened. All I can say was that I was struggling and I had to face some issues in my life that had been pushed aside or was covered up by masquerade until it manifested itself out.
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That’s the thing about the facade, it will eventually manifest the truth out no matter how hard you try to ignore some issues and try not to confront it. There will come a time when it is screaming for your attention to deal with such an issue until you can’t be held back but face it head-on. It is hard to face someone in the eye and stand up for what you believe in and tell them exactly how you feel. It is uncomfortable, but I felt as though I had enough with hypocrisy and pretentiousness. My heart palpitated and my palms were sweaty as I stood there confronting this person. As much as I can, I hate confrontations, but there will be a time to speak up. Although I could have approached it differently, however; I failed to communicate in such a way where it was gentle or loving.
I have learned that miscommunication is one of the reasons why an argument starts. As I assessed the situation this morning, I’ve learned how crucial to develop good communication skills. It is one of my weaknesses that I don’t know how to deliver the message to the other person with calmness and gentleness. I have realized that my intentions were right but I can be wrong at the top of my lungs. It isn’t about what I said, but how I said it. My perception determined my actions. I failed to understand what the other person was trying to convey, therefore; I have jumped into a conclusion that created miscommunication.
What Causes Miscommunication?
This is just based on my personal observations, it is up to you whether you would take my advice or not but this is according to my own assessment.
Defensive. Whenever the person questions me of something, I sometimes interpret it as an attack so I put up my defense mechanism to shield myself from the person’s accusation but I failed to listen intently to the question.
Wrong interpretation. The other person’s intention might not be something bad, but I have already formed an opinion in my mind that led me to react because my perception determined my action. I got upset because I have failed to understand the other person’s message or inquiry.
Jumping into a conclusion. Instead of reiterating the question and trying to understand what the other person is asking, it was already hard for me to changed my opinion about what he or she said because I have already made up my mind to be angry. Therefore, I have failed to listen.
How Should We Improve In Our Communication?
As I’ve reflected, I have realized that communication is a skill that needs to develop at a young age. But unfortunately, I grew up as a child where my opinion didn’t matter or reasoning to an elder was portrayed as disrespectful when you voice out your opinion about a situation. In return, I grew up bottling everything inside until I blow up. Therefore, I have never learned how to communicate effectively without being upset. Now as an adult, I am struggling with communication, and I am trying to learn how to communicate effectively and wisely.
Awareness of how we speak plays an important role in communication. When we are aware of our tone of voice, we can remain calm. It isn’t about what I’ve said but how I delivered the message.
Usage of words. We may have the right intention to speak the truth, but when it isn’t delivered with love, we might come on as judgmental, critical, or confrontational that will lead to an argument. When I was in the middle of confronting someone, I let my emotion governed me instead of staying calm and correcting the person with love.
Remaining silent. This is one of the hardest things to do because whenever two individuals fight, we want to prove our point of view, and often times we want to prove the other person wrong and we are right. But there are times that the best way to deal with a situation and stop the altercation is to remain quiet. This takes a lot of practice and effort in our part especially when we have been triggered by hurtful words.
Refrain words that are condemning, judging, or downright critical. Often times, we like to point the finger towards the other person instead of looking at ourselves and correcting our issues. We like to use words such as, “You are the problem, You are making it a big deal,” so on & so forth.
In Conclusion, we can’t change the other person’s behavior, speech, or the way they treat us. We can only control our own choices. As much as we want everyone else to be on the same path or view things the same way we do, it isn’t always the case. Change must start within ourselves. It takes a mature person to recognize and acknowledge that he or she needs to change. If only people will take the time to self-assessed themselves and do their part to willingly admit that they need to change, this would be a better world to live in. Unfortunately, some people are narcissistic, self-righteous & too selfish to admit their faults.